


Only You

by spreadyourwingsandfly



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Divorce, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Female Friendship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Humor, Jealousy, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Moving On, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-28 08:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15044456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spreadyourwingsandfly/pseuds/spreadyourwingsandfly
Summary: ‘’There is my princess,’’ T’Challa grins widely as he picks up your baby girl, swinging her around before pulling her close and pressing loving kisses to her forehead and cheeks.You still love him, especially in moments like this. For every moment that you two fought, for every downfall you had as husband and wife, you are good parents. Those children are the best parts of both you and him, and with their own personalities mixed in.And you try not to fall deeper love, because you know that if you dive even deeper, you may not ever come back to surface.But you have to start getting over this.





	1. Only You

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- DIVORCE, HEARTBREAK  
> I have found that I enjoy writing differently than the usual fluff I used to write. So this will be a mixture of fluff and angst and reality. I have never written anything like this before, so I would love constructive ideas on how to be better. I am always super nervous when I post lol. This is part one of a four part series.

TRIGGER WARNING- DIVORCE, HEARTBREAK  
I have found that I enjoy writing differently than the usual fluff I used to write. So this will be a mixture of fluff and angst and reality. I have never written anything like this before, so I would love constructive ideas on how to be better. I am always super nervous when I post lol. This is part one of a four part series.

The ink from where you signed your name on the divorce papers dried faster than your tears did when they streamed down your face at one in the morning, and lasted longer than your marriage with T’Challa had.  
Well.  
At least you something about this marriage is permanent.  
You’d been married for ten years.  
You’ve known each other for fifteen years.  
You dated for three of those years.  
You were married for ten of those years.  
Two children.  
Six year old daughter.  
Three year old son.  
One marriage.  
Millions of pieces.  
You can still see the look on his face when he called it quits, citing irreconcilable differences at as the cause. You can still hear your voices cracking at three in the morning that night, and you remember how grateful you were that the children were out with Ramonda and Shuri at another charity event that Shuri was hosting.  
You remember the heated words that rose up out of your throat like bile, and tasted just as bitter. Like bile, they came up with very little warning, and you spewed them across your husband, your best friend, your lover.  
Well, he used to be.  
How did you end up here?  
How did something that you worked so hard to build up fall apart, and you feel powerless to do anything about it?  
Here not only being the small kitchen of your modest yet stylish apartment at three am, nursing a cup of coffee and reading over your itinerary for tomorrow.  
To the day, you and T’Challa have officially been divorced six months.  
That’s 182.5 days.  
Three almost calls, where you had to put your kimoyo beads in a drawer to forget about him.  
Eight weekends that the children have spent with T’Challa before being escorted back to you.  
Three word sentences used as casual greetings when he drops the children off, or when you pick them up, or really any time you have to interact with each other.  
‘’How are you?’’  
‘’I’m fine. You?’’  
‘’Good. Bye, kids.’’  
‘’I love you,’’ to the kids, then one more goodbye to each other.  
Children say goodbye, you say goodbye to him, he says goodbye to you. You begin your new weekends.  
Repeat all over again.  
‘’Mommy,’’ you hear a soft voice coming from the doorway to your kitchen, and you look up to see your six year old daughter, Adanya.  
She’s crying her stuffed black panther, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  
‘’Come here, baby. Why are you still awake?’’  
She crawls into your lap, and you see T’Challa’s eyes are staring back at you. She is T’Challa in the cheeks, in the eyes, in the smile. She’s even got his thick, coarse hair, which is styled into three braids with barrettes at the end at the moment.  
‘’I had a bad dream’’ she lays her head on your shoulder, relaxing into your embrace as you press a kiss to her forehead.  
‘’I’m sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to sleep in mommy’s room?’’  
She nods against your shoulder,and you stand, carrying your daughter to the room.  
When you get there, your son, Ado, is already there, holding onto his teddy bear and staring at you with wide eyes.  
‘’I put him here before I came. I knew he’d be scared if he woke up and I wasn’t there,’’ Adanya explains as she climbs into your bed.  
‘’You’re such a nice big sister,’’ you tell her, crawling into bed in between your children, ‘’We all need to go back to sleep. It is late, and we have to be up early tomorrow.’’  
‘’Mommy,’’ your son whines, and you look over to him.  
If Adanya is the near carbon copy of T’Challa, just with softer and younger features, then your son is you. He has your smile, your eyes. Personality-wise, your daughter is you- more outgoing than her brother, ready to jump into a new adventure. Ado likes to sit back and olay out situations before acting, much like his dad, He us, unfortunately, every bit as stubborn as T’Challa. As is your daughter.  
Which is why it takes thirty minutes, two stories, and one lullaby for the children to fall asleep.  
It takes you thirty more minutes, countless thoughts, and one look at the time to do the same.  
The next day, you arrive with your children and Ayo at the banquet center. T’Challa is meeting you there, and you will be sitting together for lunch. Other than that, though, you won’t be interacting with him much.  
The whole Udaku family is involved in this program. T’Challa is working with soon to be graduates who want to attend university in Wakanda but lack all of the funds. Shuri is doing a STEM workshop with young women, showing them how to use vibranium in science and how she comes up with her inventions. Ramonda is leading a seminar about the history of Wakanda. You are reading to young students, traditional stories from Wakanda. You are also showing them how to do dances- the same ones that T’Challa taught you on your honeymoon.  
You bite back that thought and those memories the way that you bite your tongue when you want to tell him more, when you want to open up that box that you both closed after your divorce.  
‘’Alright, remember what mommy said- be on our best behavior, Stay close to grandma Ramonda, auntie Shuri, daddy, or me. If you have to leave for the bathroom and one of us can not take you, you tell either You or Okoye. Okay?’’  
‘’Okay, mommy,’’ Ado nods, clutching his stuffed panther and looking up at you with bright eyes.  
‘’And no talking to strangers unless daddy or I are with you, alright,’’ you direct your look to Adanya this time, and she nods as well. ‘’Good.’’  
You enter the banquet center then, the air conditioned environment a welcomed contrast from the dry heat outside. You barely have time to get the children settled at your assigned table, right in the center, before you are being pulled into a hug.  
‘’Oh, I’ve missed you! How is my sister doing,’’ Shuri pulls back to look at you, a wide smile on her face.  
Ever since the divorce, your relationship with Shuri has been a bit strained. She will come by once or twice a week and visit with you a short while before taking her niece and nephew out for the day while you got work done. A month after the divorce was finalized, she’d stopped by to check on you.  
‘’I really think you and I should stay friends, ‘’she’d said, ‘’For one, whatever happened between you and T’Challa is none of my business until either of you wants to tell me. Second, I want to see my niece and nephew more than when they come to the palace. And, lastly, you are my friend. My sister. Your relationship with T’Challa doesn’t change that.’’  
Honestly, you don’t know what you’d do without her, especially these past few months.   
At least a few things in your life stayed the same.  
‘’Shuri,’ you hug her, stepping back to look at her, ‘’I love this dress on you. Purple makes your skin look radiant.’’  
‘’My skin always looks radiant, big sister,’’ she laughs, her white teeth showing.  
‘’Auntie Shuri, do I look radio too,’’ Adanya questions, reaching her arms up for her aunty to carry her.  
‘’Of course, my perfect niece,’’ Shuri presses a kiss to Adanya cheek, delighting in her niece’s giggles, ‘’Where’s your brother?’’  
‘’Here I am!,’’ he raises his arms, and Shuri sets Adanya down to pick up Ado.  
‘’My handsome, smart little man! Can Auntie Shuri have a hug?’’  
Ado is a very loving little boy. He always is cuddling up to you when you have free time, and always wants to be around you. In that way, he is very much like his dad.  
Speaking of which.  
‘’Daddy!,’’ Ayanda screams, running over to her dad as he enters the banquet hall.   
Right behind him are Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers- his special guests for the day.   
‘’There is my princess,’’ T’Challa grins widely as he picks up your baby girl, swinging her around before pulling her close and pressing loving kisses to her forehead and cheeks.  
You still love him, especially in moments like this. For every moment that you two fought, for every downfall you had as husband and wife, you are good parents. Those children are the best parts of both you and him, and with their own personalities mixed in.  
And you try not to fall deeper love, because you know that if you dive even deeper, you may not ever come back to surface.  
But you have to start getting over this.  
So you take a deep breath.  
Inhale.   
Exhale.  
Take in the scene as you take in a breath.  
Let go of your marriage as you let out that breath.  
‘’Baba,’’ Ado reaches for his dad, who happily takes his son and lifts him into the air.  
‘’And my prince!,’’ T’Challa kisses his son’s curls.  
You feel your heart flip when you make eye contact with T’Challa for the first time in a week, and your stomach does the same.  
And it makes you happy and bitter at the same time- happy because you know that what you had was real if you still get butterflied where he’s concerned. Bitter because you’re still getting those butterflies, and you want to move on.   
But those ten years of marriage, after three years of dating, don’t go easily. And you have to remind yourself of that on a daily basis.  
‘’It is good to see you,’’ T’Challa tells you, and you can not tell if he means it or if he is just being cordial.  
The one thing that you could agree on was to be cordial in front of the kids. Of course, it was easier before today- your interactions were limited to when he picked up or dropped off the children and vice versa. Now, when you will be spending a whole lunch together, you have to try harder.  
And try you do.  
You keep up small talk with Ramonda when she arrives, unsure of where you stand with her. In fact, her answers are short. She speaks to you for about fifteen minutes before she turns to Steve and Tony, and makes conversation with them. It is in that moment that you are grateful for Shuri, because she lightens things up a bit for you.  
You eat your potatoes, rice, and chicken, cutting up Ado’s as T’Challa helpa Adanya cut her chicken into smaller bites.  
You eat dinner, make small talk, smile.  
Later, you read to the students, acting out the different animals and the characters in the folk tales.   
Finally, it’s nearly time t go home, and you have two sleeping children t get to the car.  
‘’I can carry Adanya for you, if you want,’’ T’Challa offers as you balance your son and the children’s bag.  
‘’That would be great. Thank you,’’ you sigh as he lifts his daughter into his arms, padding across the parking lot with you to the waiting car.  
‘’What time can I expect you to come pick the children up tomorrow,’’ you question as you strap them into their car seats.  
‘’I shall be there at noon. In the event that I can not make it, I will send Okoye.’’  
‘’Got it,’’ you nod before turning to him, ‘’Um, thanks again, T’Challa.’’  
‘’No problem. I mean, they are my children, too. This is the least that I can do.’’  
You are about to slide into your car then, before he says your name, stopping you.  
‘’Adanya asked me something quite scary today.’’  
‘’Oh? What was it,’’ you ask, your voice laced with concerned for your oldest.  
‘’She asked me some more questions about the divorce,’’ he reveals, ‘’He thinks that you and I hate each other.’’  
‘’What would give her that idea,’’ you ask, your voice cracking.  
You can’t hate him. You tried to when the mess hit the fan, and found that you just couldn’t do it. You know that you two had it all, and it’s what you wish you still had. It’s like when you break a vase- you try to catch all of the pieces to maybe salvage it, but that vase is destroyed,  
‘’I do not know,’’ he shrugs, looking at you with a raised eyebrow, ‘’Why would you do that?’’  
The implications of his tone and choice of words are very clear, and you feel a fresh wave of rage crashing through you.  
‘’Are you implying that I speak ill of you to our children? Because I do not. I will allow them to form their own opinions of you, Mr. Udaku.’’  
He kisses his teeth then, and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration.  
A position you found yourself in with him several times towards the end of your marriage.  
‘’Maybe we should just get back on track,’’ he states, ‘’Anyway. I assured her that I do not hate you. I assume that you do not hate me, either.’’  
There are things about him that you dislike- the moments when he’s crude and cynical, like you feel he is being at the moment.  
So you relax.  
Inhale.  
Exhale.  
Moving on.  
‘’I do not hate you, T’Challa. I never will,’’you say, because that is one more consistent thing in your life.  
‘’Thank you,’’ he seems a bit caught off guard, ‘’I assured her that we’d both go to her recital tomorrow, and afterwards, to dinner. I think that it is only fair that we try to maintain a positive relationship with each other. Given the nature of our… of our relationship right now, I think we need to set up some new rules. For the kids.’’  
The little glimmer of hope that you had that he was saying that because he still feels something real for you vanishes as quickly as it comes, and you nearly berate yourself for wondering how such a thought could enter your mind.  
‘’Of course. For the children,’’ you agree, sliding into your car, ‘’I will have the children ready for you to have lunch with your mother. I will see you tomorrow, T’Challa.’’  
He says goodnight and goodbye to you, and you try to ignore the way your heart feels when he says your name.  
You drive home, put your children to bed in their room and head to your own room.  
The moonlight flows into your bedroom then, and you bathe in its light as you slip into a nightgown and crawl into bed. You stare up at the moon as you think back on today, and how things ended. This time last year, things with T’Challa were shaky, but he would have been in this bed beside you, cuddled up to you and asleep or pressing kisses to your cheek or struggling to get comfortable as your children lounged across the bed with you.  
Now, though, the moonlight is the only thing that fills that empty spot next to you, and you fall asleep to that.  
And you try to banish any thoughts of T’Challa from your mind for the night

Disclaimer- I do not own any Marvel Characters or their fictional words. Rights to those belong to their rightful and respectful owners.


	2. New Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T’Challa Udaku is no fool. He knows that once upon a time you had it all, and somewhere down the line, it began to fall apart. Brick by brick, it disintegrated what it is now- the rubble of used-to’s and could-haves and would-have and should-haves. And he can’t blame you for being the way you are with him- unsure and awkward.  
>  Because you had it all, and he knew that and you knew that, and somewhere down the line you went and lost it. Now you have to build things back up on a foundation that’s even shakier than his lips when they tremble at the thought of the your divorce papers, where your names are signed in black ink that looks a severe as your separation feels.  
>  So the moon bathes him its light as he thinks back on life, and he doesn’t regret anything. If you’re happy, then he’s happy.  
>  And maybe, one day, he will accept that this happiness no longer includes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- Mean cyber comments, divorce, heart break, struggling to move on, emotional scars, post-divorce and self-doubt  
> Deena is based off of two of my best friends.

‘’Ado, I know you don’t like wearing shoes, but you have to. You can’t go outside barefoot, you may step on something and hurt yourself.’’  
Your three-year-old is currently sprawled out on the ground, kicking his feet so you won’t put his shoes on him ,’’Ado Udaku. Stop it right now.’’  
He pouts but does so, letting you fasten his brown sandals onto his feet.  
‘’You’re going to be on your best behavior for your daddy, right?’’  
‘Yes, mommy,’’ he nods, sitting up and crawling into your lap so that you can fasten his other shoe.  
‘’Good,’’ you press a kiss to the top of his head, ‘’Go get your bag. Daddy is on his way.’’  
He climbs off of your lap then, rushing to the room that he shares with his sister to retrieve his bag.  
‘’Mommy, are you and daddy both going to be at my recital later,’’ Adanya asks from her spot at the kitchen table, where she is coloring in the coloring book that Shuri gave her yesterday.  
‘’Indeed we are. And we’ll ever be sitting next to each other. Daddy told me that you want to go out for dinner after. We can go anywhere you’d like,’’ you tell her, and she beams up at you.  
‘’Yay!,’’ she states, just as there’s a knock on the door.  
‘’Go get your brother, Adanya. Tell him baba is here.’’  
She zooms out of the kitchen then, and you can hear her excited giggles as you open the door for T’Challa.  
‘’Hi,’’ he gives you a tight grin, ‘’You look nice.’’  
He’s trying to make peace with you, to show your children that even if you two aren’t together anymore, he still respects you and you respect him.  
‘’Thank you. So do you,’’ you return the compliment, taking in his black pants and shoes and the blue, fitted shirt he is wearing, ‘’Blue suits you. So, where are you and Ramonda taking the children for lunch?’’  
‘’Just to the palace. If we go any further, Adanya will begin to worry that she’s going to miss her recital. That is still five hours away,’’ he chuckles, and you do as well.  
‘’Baba!’’  
‘’Daddy!’’  
Your ex-husband swoops your children up into his arms, pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads.  
‘’There they are! My little man and the star of the show!’’  
‘’Daddy, I only have a little part,’’ she reminds him, and he playfully scoffs.  
‘’And you are going to blow them away,’’ he tells her/  
Adanya is a daddy’s girl in many ways. She loves you both, but she is T’Challa’s shadow. She used to follow him around so often that he had to wear a baby carrier just to go to meetings with the elders and not have her cry.  
‘’Mommy, you are still coming, right?’’  
‘’I wouldn’t miss it,’’ you coo before pressing a kiss to her chubby little cheeks, then one to your son’s, ‘’Mommy has to do some work tonight. So you be on your best behavior for daddy and grandma Ramonda, alright?’’  
‘’Yes, mommy.’’ the children croon in unison, and you send them off with their dad for the day.  
Then, you set out on your own list of things to do.  
You finalize your travel plans for two weeks from now, and confirm with Deena, your childhood friend, that you are going to meet her there.  
You finish your speech for the conference that you will be speaking at, and forward it to your friend Deena. She is going to be at this conference and asked you to be her guest, seeing as many people still see you as a role model.  
You fold the laundry, make the beds, and do a bit of cleaning before you get dressed to go to your daughter’s recital. Before you can even make it to your seat, you have two arms wrapping around your leg and a pair of beautiful brown eyes peering up at you in love.  
‘’Hey, baby boy,’’ you pick him up and kiss his cheek, ‘’Mommy missed you. Where’s your sister.’’  
‘’She is backstage,’’ T’Challa explains when he enters, nodding toward the front, ‘’Of course Auntie Shuri got here and reserved the best seats in the house. Shall we go?’’  
You follow his lead to Shuri, who is sitting with her legs across three seats and her purse in another.  
‘’I have gotten some serious glares, brother,’’ Shuri looks up at him, ‘’I believe one woman just and told the headmaster.’’  
‘’What is she gonna tell him,’’ you raise an eyebrow playfully, ‘’ ‘The princess of Wakanda won’t let me have a seat because she’s saving a seat for the king’?’’  
‘’Right?! That’s what I’m saying.’’  
‘’If you two are done encouraging echter’s pettiness,’’ T’Challa takes his son from you, ‘’Let’s take our seats.’’  
Shuri is sitting closest to the wall, then you, then T’Challa with Ado on his lap.  
And of course Ramonda enters, Ayp following her.  
‘’Hello, mother,’’ T’Challa speaks and Ado reaches for his grandmother.  
‘’Hello, T’Challa. Shuri, please turn your kimoyo beads off the time. Hello,’’ she greets you, and you can’t tell if she just feels as awkward around you as you do around her or if she is only doing it for public appearances.  
‘’Hello, Queen Mother,’’ you tell her,still unsure of what to call her.  
However, you don’t have to think about that for very long. The lights flicker, signaling everyone to get into their seats, and you’ve never been more grateful for a first-grade production in your life.  
The lights dim, and Adanya teacher steps onto the stage.  
‘’Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming. As you know, the students have been learning new things all year long. Now, they want to show you, their parents and family, just what they learned. Without further ado, I present my first grade class!’’  
You watch the program intently, waiting for your daughter to make her debut. She does when the students begin to talk about the different dances they’ve learned.  
And T’Challa is right- she is a star. She’s got rhythm and passion, two things that you know she got from T’Challa and not yourself.  
She’s beaming as she dances, and you can see just how much she loves it.  
‘’She looks so happy T’Challa whispers to you, and you nod in agreement.’’  
The program ends fifteen minutes later, and your daughter is practically leaping off of the small stage and into your waiting arms.  
‘’Did I do good?’’  
‘’You did great!,’’ you press a kiss to her forehead, and she beams in delight.  
Shuri and Ramonda monopolize her time for fifteen minutes while you and T’Challa decide where to go for dinner.  
‘’It’s nearly her bed time. Let’s go somewhere where we can get seated and eat quickly o that they do not go to bed too late.’’  
‘’Sounds good. Then we can talk at your apartment afterwards?’’  
‘’Yup. Sounds good,’’ you nod.  
So you say goodbye to Ramonda and Shuri and Ayo after pictures are taken.  
You take the kids to a family-friendly restaurant, and they fall asleep on the car ride back to your place.  
T’Challa helps you get them dressed and you place them into their beds before going to the kitchen to have your discussion.  
‘’I think we did pretty well today,’’ he tells you, pulling a chair out and joining you at the kitchen table and pulling out a notebook and a pen, ‘’So, as I say yesterday, things have changed. It’s time for us to make some new rules.’’  
‘’I’m listening.’’  
And you are. It takes about an hour, but you comprise a list of rules.

-No speaking ill of the other to the children  
-Family events require both parents if both are available, unless the child asks otherwise.  
-Any future significant others will not be introduced to the children before it has been discussed between the parents first  
-Honesty is important  
-Family dinner once a week  
-Future family vacations will be discussed  
-Children will video chat with the parents at least once a day while they’re away.  
‘’If we have anything else to add, we can add it later. This list isn’t set in stone. We’re still learning,’’ you remind him and he nods.  
‘’I think we should also set some rules for us.’’  
‘’Like what?’’  
‘’Well,’’ he leans back in his chair and sets the pen down, ‘’We were married for ten years, my-’’  
He cuts himself off abruptly, before the phrase ‘’my love’’ can slip out of his mouth. He replaces it with your name instead, and the warm feeling that began to heat you up suddenly evaporates. It’s like stepping into the warmth of a room only to be splashed with cold water.  
‘’I still care about you,’’ he tells you, and you feel your heart racing as fast as the heat is rushing to your face, ‘’I always will.’’  
‘’I care about you, too.’’  
‘’Which is why I am going to be honest with you- I really want us to be friends. If not for our sakes, than for the kids. But I don’t… we can’t just stop talking.’’  
You chew on that for a moment, pondering it.  
You agree- you really do. He was such an important part of your life for the past fifteen years. You have two children together and the media is still blowing up your feed with stories about the divorce= like it or not, he is apart in of your life.You both like and loathe it, and you’re still trying to figure out how two such conflicting emotions can insist in you.  
‘’I’d like that,’’ you reply honestly, hesitantly placing a hand over his.  
And you’re not where you want to be with him yet- yu=ur relationship still lays in a pile of rubble at your feet, but this is him picking up the brick to start something else, to build a new friendship.  
‘’Good,’’ he smiles before looking at the clock hanging above your stainless steel stove, ‘’It is getting late. I should go back to the palace. I will see you soon.’’  
He says goodbye to you and leaves, and you set off to do your nightly routine.  
You wash your face, moisturize, get your pajamas on and get ready for bed.  
That night, the moonlight takes its usual spot next to you, and you find that you really don’t mind it.  
Because today is much different from yesterday.  
It’s two weeks to that day that you’re saying goodbye to your children before you head off to a new destination for work for two weeks.  
‘’Mommy loves you so, so much. Be good for your baba, alright? I will call you every day. Twice a day, if I can,’’ you reassure your children.  
‘’Mommy, you’re gonna be home soon, right,’’ Adanya whimpers, tears in her eyes.  
It breaks your heart in many way- she is half of you and half of T’Challa, as is Ado. That’s what makes saying goodbye to them for such an extended period of time so very difficulty. It’s like leaving a little piece of yourself in Wakanda while you travel for work.  
‘’Mommy will be home as soon as possible, my girl. You get to stay with daddy and Auntie Shuri and Grandma Ramonda! I’m sure that Okoye and Ayo maybe even teach you a few moves. Daddy is always going to take good care of you. Don’t you always have fun with daddy?’’  
‘’Yes,’’ she whimpers again as she wipes her eyes, and her brother nods next to her.  
‘’And you can call me and tell me all about the fun you are having.’’  
You stand then, pressing a hand to both of their heads in a loving way, ‘’Thank you for the ride, T’Challa. I will call as soon as I get there. For the children.’’  
It’s odd- you’ve been in the position of watching him leave or you watching him leave so many times before, but it’s never been like this. The awkwardness separates you even before your ascent into the sky does, but you can’t focus on ht now.  
You are on the plane, selling through the clouds as you make your way to your destination.  
And, just like the wind blows the clouds, you try to let it blow your awkwardness away.  
‘’Girl, this suite is so nice,’’ Deena looks around the suite, ‘’I’m telling you, I’m so glad I sat next to you in our religion class that year in high school. I’m friends with a queen.’’  
‘’A former queen,’’ you smile girly, setting the suitcases on your bed, ‘’T’Challa and I are divorced, in case you’ve been living under a rock.’’  
Deena, never one to voice her opinion, turns to you with a stern look etched into her features, ‘’Friend, you are a queen with or without that man. Never forget that.’’  
You honestly don’t know what you’d do without her. She’s the first person that you called when your marriage hit the rocks, and the first person you called when the rocks tore it apart. And, ever since then, she’s been your rock- strong and unshakable and there for you, strong in the places where you are not.  
‘’Thank you, friend,’’ you like her and and squeeze it gently.  
And your smile becomes more genuine by the hour- you call the children to let them know you love them, you go get dinner and you even go out dancing with Deena. You retire to your hotel suite early, video chatting with Adanya as you do your nightly routine.  
‘’Did you brush your teeth, baby girl,’’ you give her a pointed look.  
‘’I sure did, mommy! See,’’ she shows off her smile, tongue poking through where she is missing a few teeth.  
‘’That’s my girl! Where is your baby brother?’’  
‘’He is asleep. Mommy, daddy says I have to go to bed now. Good night, I love you!’’  
‘’I love you, too, Adanya. Have a good night.’’  
You watch as the camera shifts to T'Challa, who says goodnight to your daughter before he speaks to you.  
‘’Nice face mask,’’ he tells you.  
‘’Put the camera back on my adorable child, T’Challa.’’  
‘’She is going to sleep. Now, I have to tell you something: I am meeting up with someone as soon as the children go to sleep. It shouldn’t take more than an hour. Two hours tops. I just wanted to tell you in case you get a call from Adanya or Ado if they wake up.’’  
‘’T’Challa, I trust you with our children. You don’t have to tell me that. But thank you.’’ you remedy, because you now that he’s trying.  
And you’re trying, too. The divorce is still fresh in many ways, and this is going to take some more getting used to.  
‘’Thank you. I appreciate that. So… I guess I will talk to you tomorrow. Be safe.’’  
‘’Yes, we’ll talk tomorrow. Be safe.’’  
You hang up then, turning off the lights in your bathroom and going to your bedroom.  
‘’Be safe’’. Two words that seem so simple, but mean so much, Where your sentence would have usually been punctuated with an ‘’I love you’’, that phrase takes its place. And it is starling to know that you can’t say those words to him in the same way anymore. But those two words convey that he still cares in some way, and that’s good enough.  
So you climb into bed with a smile on your face. And if T’Challa isn’t your companion tonight, those two words hold you in a warm embrace as you fall asleep.   
And that’s the first time you fall right to sleep in six months.  
The next morning comes quickly, and Deena is shaking you awake.  
‘’Wake up, boo. We gotta go,’’ Deena insists.  
‘’Deena, no.’’  
‘’Girl, you’re the same way you were in high school. Get up!’’  
She pulls the cover off of you then, ignoring your whining.  
‘’Oh, boo-hoo. Get up, get dressed. I’ll make you some breakfast.’’  
Tough love is Deena’s specialty, and it has been ever since you were riding in her car and letting her lecture you on the way your boyfriend at eighteen was treating you and how it wasn’t okay. She did the same thing when she convinced you to get a new job because boss was being grossly unfair to you despite the three years you’d dedicated to the company.   
Right now, it’s annoying.  
‘’I’m up, girl,’’ you hiss, throwing a pillow at her, hitting the doorway as she exits.  
You groan before getting out of bed, ready to face your day. You’ve never been more grateful that she made you lay out your clothes last night. So you shower, then slip into your blue, floral, halter maxi dress and the brown heels. You take time on your makeup and finishing getting ready, and meet Deena in the kitchen as she sets a plate of pancakes on the table.  
‘’Eat up, friend. We’ve gotta get a move on,’’ she puts her own plate on the table, and you et in comfortable silence as you prepare and practice your speeches.  
It’s not until you are in the car on the way to the event that you see a new headline that makes your stomach plummet to the soles of your feet.  
King T’Challa rekindling an old flame? Pictures below.  
And then there is a picture of T’Challa smiling at a woman that you recognize instantly: it’s her.  
His ex, who he dated after Nakia but before you, iis walking next to T’Challa, a smile on her face as her arm is looped through his. He’s smiling at her, too, and it nearly makes you lose your lunch.  
You don’t even read the article, just scroll straight to the comments.  
‘’Finally, prince t’challa maybe he is now actually with actual royalty?’’  
‘’Whaaaat what about his ex-wife?!’’  
‘’Oooh looks like T’Challa is moving on, guess we should expect to see pictures of his ex too.’’  
‘’Hey, what are you looking at looking at.,’’ Deena eyes you suspiciously, noticing how quiet you’ve been.  
‘’Just reading my speech.’’  
‘’You look like you’re about to cry. SHow me the phone,’’ she demands and you hand it over rather than argue with her.  
‘’Why are you even looking at this,’’ she asks, and she doesn’t meant chastise you or belittle you. She genuinely wants to know.  
‘’Curiosity killed the cat?’’  
‘’Curiosity is killing your confidence, girl,’’ she turns your phone off, ‘’Look. I know this is not easy. But you can do better than T’Challa if he won’t fight for your marriage, than you deserve better. Got it?’’  
‘’But I-’’  
‘’No. If he can move on, so can you, when you’re ready. So we are going to go in there, you’re gonna inspire all of those people, and then later tonight we will go celebrate with some dancing and food. Got me?’’  
‘’I got you,’’ you nod, and you are so grateful for her, ‘’Love you.’’  
‘’I love you, more. And stop beating yourself up. It’s okay to feel- you were with him for so long. It’s one day at a time, right?’’  
You agree with her,taking a tissue and fixing your eye makeup.  
When you pull up to where the conference is being held, you take a deep breath.   
Inhale.  
Exhale.  
Smile.  
One step in front of the other until you eat where you want to be. Both literally and figuratively.   
This continues for six more hours until the conference is over for the day, and you and Deena are going out.  
‘’That guy has been staring at you for the last fifteen minutes,’’ Deena nods behind you as you sit in a dimly lit restaurant, taking in the sceery and the people.  
Because this is how you’re starting to get over everything that you saw of T’Challa with her- staying in crowded rooms instead of confronting him in one way or another.  
You look back to see the man in question, and he is tall,dark and handsome. He raises his glass to you in the form of a ‘’hello’ and you nod to him before turning back to your friend.  
‘’Why aren’t you dancing,’’ you ask her,ignoring her remark.  
‘’Because my best friend is sitting over here staring at her glass of water. Do you wanna go?’’  
‘’No,’’ you shrug, ‘’Let’s stay for a little while.’’  
Going back to your dorm room means you’re going to go to sleep, and tonight you don’t even have ‘’Be safe’’ to embrace you. No, you want to be alone in this room, so that you can focus on others and clear your mind.  
So Deena returns to dancing, and that is what you do. You count how many re dresses you see, then how many black dress. You count how many people have curly hair, wavy hair, straight hair, short hair, long hair, or medium hair.  
You count how many times you have to bite back your tongue when you see T’Challa’s face in memories of the two of you in this very city.  
And it doesn’t feel the same when every twist and turn and restaurant and place that you went with him calls his name into the night.  
The man makes his way over to you twenty minutes later. You counted.  
He makes small talk with you, tells you his name- Brandon- and gives you a number you don’t ever plan on calling.  
‘’I’ll actually be in Wakanda in a few weeks doing a piece for the magazine work for. So maybe we could go get some coffee then?’’  
‘’Yeah, totally. We’ll see’’ you say in a rush, motioning for Deena to come over, ‘’I hate to cut the conversation short, but I’ve got a long day tomorrow. Maybe I’ll see you later.’’  
He tries to speak more, but you’re rushing out of there, the night air wrapping around you and Deena as you make your way back to the hotel.  
That night you walk to the hotel with Deena, and do as you did last night: take off the makeup, and talk to the children.  
‘’Mommy, you look soooo pretty,’’ Ado tells you, and it warms your heart.  
‘’Thank you, my son. Where you both on your best behavior for daddy?’’  
‘’Ado didn’t eat all of his peas at dinner.’’  
‘’Adanya broke a vase.’’  
‘’Adanya did what,’’ you raise an eyebrow, ‘’Grandma Ramonda’s vase? Or another vase in the castle.’’  
‘’Another vase in the castle. I told daddy I would save up and go get one.’’  
The girl doesn’t even make an allowance yet- not until you add to ehr chores list soon.  
‘’Good,’’ you decide not to press the issue, ‘’I think I let you both stay up too later. It’s time to go to bed. Good night, my loves. Give daddy his kimoyo beads back.’’  
They say good night, blowing you kisses before T’Challa receives the kimoyo beads from your children.  
‘’Are you taking good care of my babies,’’ you joke, attempting to lighten the mood.  
‘’Of course,’’ he says blankly before a small smile plays at his lips, ‘’Our daughter proves just how like you she really is.’’  
‘’Oh, did she?’’  
‘’Yes. She tried to negotiate her brother eating his veggies by saying she’d eat them for him if he could have dessert. Just like you.’’  
‘’She’s so loving,’’ you sigh, enjoying talking about your babies.  
‘’Oh. Deena called me today.’’  
Crap.  
‘’Did she?’’  
You’re starting to feel like a broke record, the way you are repeating things. This time, the reason you are speechless around T’Challa is not so romantic.  
‘’Yes. She said that there was some sort of article,’’ he pinches the bridge of his nose.  
He’s frustrated.  
You know him.  
‘’I didn’t-’’  
‘’I wouldn’t hurt you,’’ he tells you and you can see it in his face that he is pleased with you in words.  
‘’I want you to know- I’m not seeing her seriously. We did start off as a business meeting, but it kind of work into a more casual thing,’’ he tells you, and you feel nauseated all over again.  
But you’re the one that asked him to be honest with you and he is and he’s not your husband anymore. And you’d want him to be happy for you, so…  
;;Thank you for telling me. Really. But I should be going to bed, now. T’Challa. I’ll talk to my babies tomorrow.’’  
You keep it together until he hangs up, and then you let the tears stream down your face.  
Because it is okay to cry, and it is okay to feel, and you definitely have a lot of feelings to work though.  
And in a moment of, emotions- ether confidence or something else- you phone Brandon.  
Because maybe that’s just what you need to get over T’Challa/  
The phone conversation ends ten minutes later, with plans to have lunch with Deena tomorrow and depending on how that goes meet up when he’s in Wakanda.  
You end the call and look up at the moon and how it lights up the night sky.  
Then, for the fourth night in a row, you fall asleep with the moon’s light embracing you.  
And wondering what new things will be coming your way.  
T’Challa is doing the same, little do you know. The moonlight is hating his features in blue, and he’s staring at the same moon as you. Those four walls just never feel the same without you, and they and the hallways and the floor and literally every inch of the palace all whisper your name, pounding through his mind like a drum..  
Her.  
Her.  
Her.  
Her.  
It’s rhythmic and hits him every so often, like clock-work almost. He’ll be fine.  
He’s not over you. How could he be? But he doesn’t know how to act around you, and cold and detached and cynical are his defaults.   
He’s tried not talking to you, but that’s impossible with two children and charity events and duties and your history together.  
He looks down at the picture of your children that sits on his desk, and he smiles fondly. It was taken right after Ado was born, when Adanya was eager to hold him and you obliged. You’re in the picture as well, helping her support the baby’s head and smiling lovingly at your children.  
T’Challa Udaku is no fool. He knows that once upon a time you had it all, and somewhere down the line, it began to fall apart. Brick by brick, it disintegrated what it is now- the rubble of used-to’s and could-haves and would-have and should-haves. And he can’t blame you for being the way you are with him- unsure and awkward.  
Because you had it all, and he knew that and you knew that, and somewhere down the line you went and lost it. Now you have to build things back up on a foundation that’s even shakier than his lips when they tremble at the thought of the your divorce papers, where your names are signed in black ink that looks a severe as your separation feels.  
So the moon bathes him its light as he thinks back on life, and he doesn’t regret anything. If you’re happy, then he’s happy.  
And maybe, one day, he will accept that this happiness no longer includes him.  
If you’d like to be tagged just let me know! I am still pretty new to all of this.   
Disclaimer- I do not own any Marvel characters or their fictional worlds- they belong to their rightful and respectful owners.


	3. Roots before Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘’How does my hair look,’’ Adanya asks, moving her hair to smooth down her box braids.  
> ‘’You look just like Auntie Shuri, princess. Now, come on. We have to add another picture to the Udaku family scrapbook.’’  
> She gets into position then, on the other side of the castle. You angle the camera so that you are in the picture too after you snap one of T’Challa and the kids without you in it.  
> And this- this is your version of a paradise. And T’Challa is as beautiful as a summer’s day is long. This sun is hitting him and making his skin glow. It’s inviting, really- you miss pressing your lips to those broad  
> shoulders, miss being able to place a hand on that umber skin.  
> And you feel horrible, because Brandon is there and you are comfortable and he is charming and why go back to T’Challa when its not feasible?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have not written argument dialogue in so long, and I did my best. Please, if you have constructive criticism for me, I would appreciate it! This is being posted because I think I am getting better. I was initially worried, but if I worry too much about if I am a good writer or not, I’d never post. So that’s what I want to encourage everyone to do: keep writing! That’s the only way to get better and feel comfortable, even if you don’t post it for people to read!
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Fighting, divorce, post-divorce, breaking up, unplanned pregnancy, illusions to sex, self-sabotage, mentions of infidelity.  
> A lot can happen in six months.

In six months time, you have a boyfriend. It’s pretty casual, because you kind of see other people. But you really like Brandon. He treats you well, and he’s travelling a lot. That’s nice because you’re not sure where this is going and you don’t want the kids t be involved yet.  
T’Challa has been casually seeing her. And you trying to be happy for him, but you know he’s no good for him, or your children. Until he tells you that he wants them to meet her, you’ll bite your tongue and hold it back.  
Just like you’ve been holding everything back for the last six months.  
You’re having another family day with the kids, this time at the beach. Adanya is giggling as T’Challa holds her and they wade in the water, your seven year old holding on tightly to him.  
‘’Mommy, can we make another sand castle,’’ Ado asks, and you smile at your four-year-old.  
‘’We sure can, Ado,’’ you speak and you dive into making the sand castle with your youngest.  
You hear more giggles, and you’re grateful for this day. The kids are still a bit tired from moving back and forth every other weekend, but they seem to have adjusted pretty well. They like being able to spend time with both of you, and you’re lucky that it could work out that way.  
‘’We should put this on top,’’ your son places a seashell on top of the now completed sand castle, and stands back to look at his masterpiece, ‘’Thank you for helping me, mommy.’’  
‘’Of course, Ado. Want me to take a picture of the castle,’’ you question, and he eagerly nods. ‘’Baba! Adanya! Look at what I made!’’  
His sister and dad pad barefoot out of the ocean, her little hand in is big hand as they walk across the warm sand.  
‘’What a nice sand castle! Perfect for a prince,’’ T’Challa picks his son up, placing him on his shoulder, ‘’Is mommy going to take a picture?’’  
‘’How does my hair look,’’ Adanya asks, moving her hair to smooth down her box braids.  
‘’You look just like Auntie Shuri, princess. Now, come on. We have to add another picture to the Udaku family scrapbook.’’  
She gets into position then, on the other side of the castle. You angle the camera so that you are in the picture too after you snap one of T’Challa and the kids without you in it.  
And this- this is your version of a paradise. You’re happy and carefree, and you can hear the birds chirping and the waves lapping against the sand. Your daughter and your son are in the moment, just enjoying the day and nature and imagining new adventures with each other  
And T’Challa is as beautiful as a summer’s day is long. This sun is hitting him and making his skin glow. It’s inviting, really- you miss pressing your lips to those broad  
shoulders, miss being able to place a hand on that umber skin.  
He is beautiful.  
And you feel horrible, because Brandon is there and you are comfortable and he is charming and why go back to T’Challa when its not feasible?  
It’s an hour later that the kids are falling asleep on you, and T’Challa picking Adanya up while you take Ado and place him in his booster seat. The children fall asleep completely after they are strapped into the car. You’re sitting in the front seat, on the cusp of sleep yourself, and T’Challa is driving you back to your apartment.  
‘’I’m glad we have been spending more time with the kids. Together, I mean. I can’t imagine how it is going to be when we start dating again.’’  
‘’Actually… I think I may introduce Brandon to the kids soon,’’ you explain, ‘’He seems committed to me.’’  
You don’t miss the way that T’Challa’s hands tighten on the steering wheel, the skin across his knuckles stretching tautly over the bone there, ‘’Oh?’’  
‘’What does ‘Oh?’ mean, T’Challa?’’  
‘’That you have not been dating him that long. And my main concern is how my children will handle that, but I don’t want you to get hurt either.’’  
‘’I’m fine, T’Challa. I can take care of myself.’’  
He mumbles something under his breath, and all you have to catch is your name being used and the tone to understand that it wasn’t nice. No matter, though, because he has no say unless it’s about the kids.  
Which is what he reminds you when you’ve played the children in their beds, sheets pulled up to protect them from the slight chill in the air.  
‘’They’re getting so big,’’ you sigh as they sleep peacefully, Adanya clutching her plush black panther and Ado clutching his stuffed giraffe.  
‘’They really are,’’ T’Challa looks to the children once more, and he gazes with so much love in his eyes that it makes your heart flutter.  
And you hate that and love it at the same time.  
‘’So what are your plans for tomorrow,’’ you question as you shake the sand out of the children’s shoe and into the trash bag.  
‘’I have some council meetings and a press conference. I’d like to also do some shopping for Shuri’s birthday.’’  
‘’Ohhh don’t get her a new book set form her favorite author. I got her that.’’  
‘’How did you manage to get her a better gift than me?’’  
‘’She’s one of my best friends. I spend a lot of time with her, too. She’ll love whatever you give her though- you have the same relationship with her that Ado and Adanya have. He absolutely adores his big sister.’’  
‘’She adores him, too. Speaking of family, can we talk about ours for a moment?’’  
You close the door, leaving once you hear the soft click.  
‘’Not tonight. I really need to get back. But the children will be with my mother tomorrow. Is that alright with you.’’  
You agree. It’d be better for the two of you if you talked about things later, when tiny eyes can’t see into their parents’ complex relationship  
‘’Sure,’’ you guide him to the door, ‘’Tomorrow at eight?’’  
‘’Tomorrow at eight.’’  
A lot can happen in 24 hours.

Which is why you find yourself face-to-face with T’Challa right now, guiding him to the kitchen table. After all, that seems to be where you have all of your conversations these days. The dim kitchen light adds a shadow to his features, and it matches the dark feeling that you sense coming with this conversation.  
It’s not a fight- not yet. It’s clenched fists, tight lips, words that are spoken through clenched teeth.  
You accuse him of not letting you move on, of being jealous.  
He accuses you of moving too fast, of being reckless.  
And he’s forcing you to crontront the truth: you don’t want to be with Brandon. Not really. Or you do, and it’s not the right time. The point is, you don’t want to be with him right now. And the man that you do want to be with his standing front of you, eyes trained on yours in the kitchen light.  
‘’Why do you even care?’’  
That throws T’Challa, because why would he not care?  
‘’Do you think this is easy, T’Challa? You and I both know it’s not. I am still trying to figure out how to get back into dating, and you don’t even have the decency to let me get over you.’’  
‘’I-’’  
‘’I’m not finished. Do you know how bad it hurt when you told me that you wanted a divorce? That hit deep, T’Challa. Because I thought that, even when we hit another rough patch like that we would be fine, But, no. I felt like you were getting out of that relationship, and you never gave me an actual reason. That would have helped a lot, T’Challa. And I spent hours and days and weeks wondering how we let our relationship fall apart, brick-by-brick. You-’’ you’re cut off when your voice catches in your throat, and a wave of tears that you’ve never let fall in front of him.  
‘’I hurt so bad, and I never heard why. You never told me why you just through it all away. I deserved that, T’Challa, and you never gave it to me.’’  
He’s letting you bent now- over a year’s worth of pent up emotions finally bubbling their way to the surface and breaking free.  
‘’I didn’t even get a chance to get my thoughts together, you know? Because every wish us is so publicized. There was no time for me to even grieve in privacy like most couples get to, I had conferences and events to attend. I had to fight the media and this dragon and for the kids. Because I couldn’t let their world fall apart even when mine was crumbling in front of me like a sand castle!’’  
He’s watching you pace then, a bitter laugh ripping from your throat, ‘’And now you all of a sudden care? Why? Why can’t you just let me get over you like how you’ve gotten over me? Why do I still want you, and only you?’’  
And you sit and wait for his response.  
Everyone always assumes that T’Challa is invincible. After all, he is the Black Panther, the king and protector of Wakanda. He is stoic and strong, kind and concerned. He is an excellent king, a loving dad, a wonderful son, an amazing brother.  
But he can definitely tell the areas where he was just a lackluster husband.  
And no one knows how often he’d beat himself up over that after the last divorce paper was signed. How he’d try to forget about you at night as his friend pressed her lips to his in a kiss in the back of a limo and he attempted to push thoughts of you and what you were doing and who you were doing it with out of his mind.  
But you’re always there. Not just because you have children together No, he adores those children and he can separate his love for them from his feelings for you. What he can’t separate is the feeling of being in love from your name, your face, your personality, you. He spends countless nights looking at the moon, knowing that you are looking at the same one, and hoping that you don’t hate him.  
Because he sure did expect you to. Which is why he was so happy when you didn’t. What he’s still can’t explain to himself is his jealousy at the thought of you moving on and finding someone else. He feels like a hypocrite, but it’s got you to this point- you are finally talking about these things.  
Or, rather, fighting. You are fighting. He believes that, out of all of the things that have been said tonight, that is the one statement that you’d agree with.  
The one thing you always agreed on- before the children- was that having a relationship that absolute strangers were interested in was hard. Hell, you’re divorced now and people still care. There are always eyes watching, fingers pointing, lips moving. And he knew that getting into this with you, it would be difficult. But you’re strong and he is strong, so you figured that your relationship could withstand any hard thing.  
Not so.  
The blows came at your relationship, one right after another- rumors of infidelity. Hurt feelings, Pictures taken out of context.  
The straw that broke the camel’s back? When you told him that you did not know whether or not to believe in those damned rumors anymore. That you weren’t so sure that you wanted this anymore.  
That you weren’t sure if he even cared about you anymore.  
He’ll never let you know how badly that hurt. How he wanted you to feel the same hurt, and, in a moment that he immediately regretted, he said that the three words that tore your world apart: this is the end.. That he was done with this. That he was letting you go.  
Looking back on things, he wonders if that’s why he said it, the damaged root that somehow produced a tree on which nothing but heartache, bitterness, and tears: he wanted to let you go, and he was tired of trying so hard to maintain this relationship just to keep making the same mistakes.  
There. He finally admitted it.  
He is human. He is only human and he will apologize for the moments of him being human that hurt you and others, because he is not perfect and they will happen. And you had moments like that as well, but all was forgiven.  
So he is hoping the same could be said for him in those moments that he hurt you, because that’s why he let you go- If you’d be happier without him, he’d want that. But he didn’t know letting go was so hard. And this marriage, or, rather, your divorce, hurt him like rope burn- the more he tried to hold on, the more you both hurt. And when he let go of the rope,things hurt slightly less. But that just meant that he’d now lost the rope, as had you, and there was nothing to tie you to him in the way in which he desired you.  
And he could say a lot of things to you right now.  
He could bring up all of the rumors of you and M'Baku his best friend of all people.  
He could bring up all of the times that you started petty little fights.  
He could even bring up how you screamed at him that you didn’t want him anymore that night- the night that changed it all.  
But no. Tonight, he really wants to put an end to your heart for you, with tender words and the truth.  
Because, maybe, the tender words of how he feels will cushion the truth of why he asked for the divorce in the first place.  
‘’I still love you. Only you, honestly. I don’t want her. Do you truly believe that I aver stopped loving you?’’  
‘’I don’t know what to believe anymore, T’Challa,’’ you sound so defeated, and he hasn’t heard that tone of voice from you since the day that you signed those final papers, punctuating the end of your name with a period as you punctuate the end of your relationship with a signature.  
‘’I wanted you to stop hurting,’’ he tells you, ‘’And it sounds so dumb and cliche’. But I figured if I let the marriage go and let you move on it would work. I knew you would never let go without fighting for it. So I lied. Hell, I’m even with… her, just to get over you. But I still love you.’’  
There’s silence then, before you are closing your eyes and shaking your head, ‘’Stop. Please just… my head is spinning.’’  
He has both hand on your shoulder then, staring at you intently, ‘’You don’t believe me, do you?’’  
‘’Why should I?!’’  
‘’You shouldn’t. I know. But if I could go back in time, you have to believe that I would never have done that. Or maybe I would have. Because we’re finally talking about it for once.’’  
He’s right, and you kind of feel bittersweet about it. It took you breaking up, with schedules and working on co-parenting and being there for your children as well as your duties as king and former queen to make things work.’’  
Your silent then, before you are sliding down the kitchen wall, back pressed ot it and face in your hands.  
This Is overload for you- you’re not sure how to react to it. He did this to not hurt you, but he also hurt you. The irony is not lost on him, either, and he’s staring at you,waiting for a reaction.  
‘’How did we end up like that,’’ you question after nearly ten minutes, ‘’We started off so strong. How did we get there?’’  
He sits there with you and balances all of the things. The beginning was bliss- that first year of marriage took some strength, but you pushed through it. As you did all the way up until you gave birth to Adanya. In that moment, you both had a new role to take on, but you loved it. That little girl has brought so much joy and laughter into your life, as has Ado. And you love those children with all your heart., as does T’Challa.  
Your duties as king and queen required a lot of public appearances and media outlets getting involved in your personal life. You knew it would be that way. T’Challa, who has been raised and taught how to endure all of this- helped you. His hand on the small of your back, he guided you through each new challenge the way he’d often guide you through introductions and crowds at events.  
So you sit there with him on living room floor, going over the possible reasons as the moonlight shines into the room.  
‘’I think,’’ T’Challa begins, and he sounds even more unsure than you’ve ever heard him before, ‘’I think that we put so much focus on being what others wanted that we forgot to pay attention to us.’’  
And there it is. Like a ton of bricks, it hits you. Behind all of those tears and fights and accusations was the root of it all- the moment that the two of you stopped working so hard to keep building what you had together, and it began to rust and rot and fall apart.  
‘’Brandon and I broke up,’’ you tell him, leaning your head against his shoulder like you used to, ‘’Because I figured out I didn’t care for him the way he cares for me.’’  
He hides the grin that wants to be permanently etched onto his face. Instead, he tells you that he cut ties with that girl a long time ago, because even if they agreed to be something casual, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep trying to put you in her shoes and attach your name to kisses that never held an ounce of the passion that he still carried for you. And you tell him that you don’t want to talk about that girl tonight, that girl whose name you don’t want to hear tonight.  
Tonight, you are not going to play games with each other. You’re going to sit with T’Challa and have a conversation that is long overdue.  
You both understand that couples grow apart. That it’s human, That people get divorced and its often for the best. That what you had would take years to build back up if you even wanted to. That you’d have to make some adjustments and that, hello, nothing’s the same as it was when you first got married. Adanya and Ado are smart and resilient, but you don’t want to push them through something that they are not ready for.  
He says your name so softly that it takes you a moment to realize he’s talking to you as he plays with your ring finger, where there used to be a lighter ring of skin where that ring used to be, ‘’What do we do now?’’  
‘’I don’t know, T’Challa. But whatever we decide to do, we need to take it slowly. And we need to talk.’’  
And you do.  
You keep it between the two of you, but you seek counseling. You figure out the issues that you need to work on if you ever do decide to get back together as a couple.  
But you’re not here yet. No, not yet.  
You spend more time together with the kids-from events that require your presence to movie nights to dinners to breakfast to lunch.  
You spend more time focusing on the positives of this situation, lesson on the negatives.  
You talk despite the times that it’s so hard and the times that you just do not ant to.  
This continues for four months, and now you find yourself in familiar territory with T'Challa pressing kisses to your neck. Adanya is at a three day science camp being led by Shuri and Ado is spending the with Ramonda at the palace.  
;;I’ve missed this. I love this,’’ T’Challa beings his lips back to yours.  
And it’s slow- it’s slow like the way you’re rebuilding something together with him again. Because you need to establish that foundation and explanations and expectations. You’re building something special, so now you’re using better ground work.  
‘’I love you,’’ you whisper for the first time in over two years, and he returns it without hesitation.  
Because you’re friends but you’re more than friends. You have a confusing dynamic and it shows in the way you interact. Your kisses are clumsy but familiar, just like everything else has been the past four months.  
And that night, the blanket is not the only thing keeping you warm.  
Three months.  
A lot changes in three months.  
Your children are currently watching television as you and T’Challa sit on the couch ask your apartment, Udaku and Mommy family movie night under way. His hand is over yours under the blanket, and you can’t tell if you’re dancing with a flirtatious relationship or another situation. You are both toeing the line, dancing between friends and something more, even if it’s not like it is before. But that’s okay.  
Like any great story- whether fiction or not, your story is hard to read at times. There are twists and changes. Moments of confusion, moments where you’re not even sure if the author of the story is sure. But now you’ve decided that you and T’Challa will be authors of your own story. Because you can see it in his eyes that he knows the wheels in your head are turning, that you want to try again but you are not exactly sure how to proceed with caution and throw your cautions to the wind at the same time.  
He thinks about this three days later as you watch another movie as a family, all of the school work and meetings and events done for the day. You’re lying on the couch, feet propped up on him as the children laugh in front of you,. For once, he’s thinking about workout pain or willy uo want him back so won’t you. No.  
All he know is that this is his paradise- his children are engrossed in the movie and the love of his life is sitting next to him. He’d be glad to rewrite a love story with you, but this is nice to. Now that you both know the root of the problem, you’re sure that you will have a happier ending.  
Even if that ends with you in the arms and heart of another man, and him with another woman. Because the only constant stars in the galaxy that is your relationship to him are Ado and Adanya. He adores them and they are a welcomed presence.  
And for the first time in over a year, he can truly say that he is happy.  
He’s ready to face any challenge and surprise that comes with being with you. He realizes that later when you say the same thing to him saying that you think maybe you should try this again.  
What neither of you know is that, three days later, another surprise will enter your story in the form of a positive pregnancy test balanced on the edge of the tub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- i only own Ado and Adanya and Brandon. All Marvel characters and any fictional universes associated with said characters are owned by their rightful and respectful owners and I take no ownership.


	4. Making Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was difficult for me to write because I wanted to make it as realistic as possible but stay true tot he vision that I had. so without further ado- the final chapter to only you 
> 
>  
> 
> WARNINGS- Mentions of Unplanned pregnancies, divorce, post-divorce bullying, self-sabotage and relationship troubles

this was difficult for me to write because I wanted to make it as realistic as possible but stay true tot he vision that I had. so without further ado- the final chapter to only you   
WARNINGS- Mentions of Unplanned pregnancies, divorce, post-divorce bullying, self-sabotage and relationship troubles

 

To say that finding out you are pregnant again shocked you would be a massive understatement. It threw you for a loop, knocked the wind out of you all at the same time.   
You initially refused to believe it, There’s no way that you’re pregnant. It couldn’t ne. You and T'Challa had only slept together once since the divorce, and it was within the same week.   
Your missed period could be for any number of reasons, right? You’ve been stressed out lately. It’s not weird for you to miss a period every so often. So you made a doctor’s appointment for earlier today, just to confirm that you are in fact not pregnant, because that’s only going to add to the chaos that is your life with T’Challa.  
Of course she delivers those three words to you: You are pregnant.  
Which is how you find yourself sitting at kitchen table with T’Challa, Ado and Adanya tucked away in their beds as you and their dad discuss life-changing topics.  
It’s funny how you were discussing getting back together five days ago,  
Now, because of a few stolen kisses, the heat of the moment and an empty apartment, you’ve got other things on your mind.  
‘’How far along are you,’’ he questions, looking at the pregnancy test.  
‘’Two months,’’ you clear your throat, ‘’Give or take a few days.’’  
He leans back in his chair then, rubs a hand down his face and pinches the bridge of his nose.  
He is frustrated.   
You know him so well.  
‘’We’re going to have another baby,’’ he says, more to himself than to you. It is like he is trying to make sense of what is happening around him, like his world has begun spinning too fast again when it was just starting to slow down.  
‘’We are,’’ you swallow thickly, but it feels like there is a lump of sawdust in your throat, ‘’So what are we going to do about it?’’  
He stares at you then, brown eyes shining with uncertainty. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and you do as well.  
‘’We have to consider everything here. Of course I will support you and the baby. You do not need to worry about that.’’  
‘’I do not,’’ you reassure him, because that’s the one thing that you know about him- T’Challa is dedicated to his children and to Wakanda. Your place with him may still be up in the air, but his homeland and his children will forever have his heart;  
‘’I assume you are worried about the responses from people?’’  
‘’That is it.’’  
This is a goldmine for the paparazzi- the king of Wakanda,one of the wealthiest and most technologically advanced countries in the world, gets his ex-wife pregnant? You cant see the headlines now.  
‘’T’Challa and Ex back together?’’  
‘’What will the Elders think about this?’’  
‘’Was the divorce all for show?’’  
As if you and T’Challa would have purposely destroyed all that you had for a few moments in the spotlight that you always tried to avoid on ny occasion.  
T’Challa stares at your stomach then, the same way he had when you announce your pregnancy with Ado and Adanya.  
‘’I’m worried about what Ramonda will say as well,’’ you admit, because it needs to be addressed.  
‘’My mother? Why?’’  
‘’She is very traditional, T’Challa. As are most of the elders. This is very scandalous in the eyes of many. Shoot, when I tell Deena, she’ll probably fly here just to see what is going on,’’ you lay your head on the table, ‘’I’m pregnant.’’  
By your ex-husband, the king of Wakanda.  
You have to keep reminding yourself of that just so you can feel the full gravity of the situation at hand.  
‘’We’re going to have to tell people,’’ he reminds you, lifting your head so that you are looking at him, ‘’And we are going to have to have some conversations.’’  
‘’About the baby?’’  
‘’And about us. It is a given that you and I will both take care of this baby, But what about us?’’  
You stare at him then, blinking once, twice, a third time.  
‘’How did we get back to a relationship between uys?’’  
‘’Everything comes back to you. We can still be together, my love. I know that that night meant something to you, as it did to me,’’ he references to the night a few months ago when all of this happened-when rules were broken and kisses where presse to overheated skin and ‘’I love you’’ ‘s where whispered behind closed doors.  
‘’It’s not the tight time, is it?’’  
‘’Is it ever? Baby, this was going to happen one way or another. You care about me, and I care about you. We were talking about this before you even became pregnant. So, all I am asking is this: do you really want to give us another try?’’  
Your head is spinning with thoughts that are going a million miles an hour.  
He wants you, and you want him. Neither of you have been trying to hide that lately, except for from the kids.  
SP you tell the childen that mommy and daddy are expecting a baby- first thing’s first, one moment and conversation at a time.  
A few weeks later, you tell them that mom and dad are dating again but it does not mean that you’ll be getting married anytime soon.   
The elders are shocked and many people of Wakanda are as well. The comments and opinions are mixed- you hear vicious whispers about this baby, about the status of your relationship, about everything that goes on with you and T’Challa.  
And because your relationship is so publicized, you deal with it in private.  
You continue counseling.  
You talk to the children about the changes, about how to ignore what people will say.  
You choose him.  
He chooses you.  
You continue with your life, well aware that you may both be getting yourself into something that no one else agrees with.  
Ramonda comes around, and you’re not sure why, but you’re grateful for her support.  
Deena, M’Baku and Shuri offer advice, help out where they can, support and listen to your pros and cons when necessary.  
You continue to choose T’Challa.  
T'Challa continues to choose you.  
You announce the pregnancy to the world a few days later. You are greeted with remarks, some hateful and nasty and spewed out like vomit over your relationship. Others are flowy and pretty, but you take no heed to any of them.  
The dirty and rude and mean comments act like fertilizer- they make your relationship stronger and grow vetter, the way that fertilizer does for flowers. The nice messages are just that nice. But they are all inconsequential. You know what you’ve and you know what T’Challa has/  
And that is the love that you have for eachother.  
It takes months of trust to hold back what you had. It takes hours of therapy, and a lot of hard work. Between shigiting you back into your repsonsibilities, patching up Ramona’s issues with you, welcoming your newborn child, and adjusting your children to this new life, it takes two years.  
Two years before T’Challa is down on one knee, proposing to you.  
It is nothing fancy- you’d taken the children of the beach again. Adanya standing there with her hands over her mouth, happy tears streaming down her face. Ado is beaming from ear to ear, chanting ‘’say yes, say yes, say yes!’’ Your youngest child, Abioye, is staring at his dad with wide eyes, unsure as to what is happening.  
All of these moments serve as laying the foundation and beginning to build a new life together. It’s not east or seemless- it’s hard and it took months of dedication to get here, and T’Challa has been by your side every step of the way.  
So it is without hesitation that you say ‘’Yes’’ a second time.  
Yes to a new marriage.  
To starting over.  
To a new start.   
Later that night, you decide to celebrate by staying in with the children.   
You’re children are in yours and T’Challa’s bed as you play a board game with them. It’s Udaku family game night.  
The days like this are the days that you adore- when you see how, even though things happened slowly, it was for the best. What was torn apart by you and T’Challa couldn’t be fixed with tape or glue or even stitches- it had to be molded an melted together.  
That must be why what you have now is so good- you can see where it was melted together. You can see the weaknesses.  
What you can’t see is how anyone could break it ever again.  
‘’You look radiant in this light, my love,’’ he tells you, pressing a kiss to your hand.  
‘’Ewww,’’ Abioye giggles and squeals.  
‘’Get used to it. They are always like this,’’ Adanya nose scrunches up in distaste, ‘’Auntie Shuri says that they are extra.’’  
‘’You need to stop spending so much time with Auntie Shuri.’’  
‘’Baba, Abioye is cheating.’’  
‘’He doesn’t even know this game,’’ you laugh, ‘’He is not even playing! He is staring at the board, Ado. How could he be cheating?’’  
‘’He is winning,’’ Ado frowns. ‘’Yet he doesn’t know how to play.’’  
‘’Win?!,’’ Abioye asks, only catching his name and the word ‘’winning’’  
‘’No, Abioye. Ado shut need to let iggo.’’  
‘’Adanya cheating, too.’’  
‘’Ado, how am I cheating?!’’  
‘’Booo!’’  
‘’Well said, Abioye,’’ Ado rubs his brothers back.  
T’Challa turns to you with an amused look, his eyes sleepy but his heart full.  
This is it- it’s another one of those moments in the story of you two that doesn’t make sense, out that he would not rewrite. It’s one of those moments that makes sense to only the author, but is forever photographed in his memory.  
And the same is said for you- every moment leads back to him. The good and the bad. He is not perfect, neither is your story or your life. As long as it leads you back to where you are meant to be, you don’t mind a few hiccups and confusions.  
You turn to your husband as he gently says your name,one hand on your ever-growing stomach.  
‘’I love you,’’ he says.  
‘’I love you, too, T’Challa.’’  
‘’Only me?’’  
‘’Only you.’’  
As long as you both shall live.

 

EXCERPT TO A SEQUAL I MAY WRITE-  
T’Challa Udaku is a good man, He has a good heart. He wants to see the best in others and in situations, and he usually succeeds at that.  
However, he Is a stubborn man. T’Challa does not like to admit that he makes mistakes a lot of the time. but he will when he sees no other options. He’s working on that with you in counseling, working on not keeping secrets from you.  
There is one, secret, though, that is being kept that he is not aware of. He does not always like to admit mistakes or when he is wrong, but he knows he should not have gotten involved with her, the girl who broke his heart in between you and Nakia, just because he was trying to get over your divorce a few years ago. He knew trying to make her replace you in his heart, in his head, and maybe even in his bed was wrong, which is why he let her go to begin with. But that doesn’t change the past, or the actions that set the events that are about to unfold in motion.  
.What neither of you know is that, a few months before you took your pregnancy test and found out that you were pregnant with Abioye, she took a pregnancy test as well. And while things seem good for your family now, that hidden secret is going to come to life.  
And what is uncovered may or may not have an impact on the Udaku family forever.

 

DISCLAIMER- I OWN NO MARVEL CHARACTERS OR THEIR FICITONAL WORLDS AND UNIVERSES, THEY BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL AND RESPECTFUL OWNERS!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fool's Gold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268359) by [spreadyourwingsandfly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spreadyourwingsandfly/pseuds/spreadyourwingsandfly)




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